Pray Just To Make It Today

I was watching a talk show on The Filipino Channel the other day, and they were talking about issues relevant to the present generation. They presented the usual: pre-marital sex, designer drugs, yuppie work, porno, the media, higher learning, friends, independence, whatnot. What struck me was the last question posed by the host to his young guests:

"With youth on your side, what is it you pray for?"

I was brought back to my wild-child days, when I would "party like it's 1999", going home when the clock strikes 5am, wasted like a muthah. There was one night when everything just changed for me. I had been having rough times with my status at the time, university issues were bogging me down, I was quarreling with my close friends and my brothers, and I had hit a record low with my self-image. It was approximately 4:30 in the early morn, I was in the car on the way home from a reggae party, smoke in my eyes, when a song came on the radio. It was a Bone Thugs N Harmony track, a remake of an old song that goes: "Take, take me home... Coz I don't remember... Take, take me home..." I'd started to cry then, all those unshed tears of confusion rolling down my cheeks from my heavily made up eyes. I didn't know what I was living for anymore. Everything was just downhill, whatever I did. I realized that I was chasing that original high I discovered so many years ago, when I'd first lived by myself, on my own for the very first time, away from my parents and free to do whatever I wanted. I was all too suddenly lost, after being so sure of myself, youth's arrogance propelling me to self-righteousness and overconfidence. I got home at around 5am, and I prayed like I had never prayed before in my whole life. I prayed for the most of 2 hours.

I prayed for Guidance, for Someone to hold my hand.

I prayed for Divine Intervention.

I prayed for the proverbial light found at the end of that pitch-black tunnel.

I prayed for a window to open somewhere, knowing full well that when a window opens, a door closes with a resounding Bang.

I admit I prayed for more parties at the back of my mind, I prayed for weight-loss, I prayed for better hair, a new wardrobe, more spending money.

I prayed for wisdom.

I prayed for unconditional love.

I prayed like a muthah.

I prayed to God to take, take me home, coz I don't remember.

With youth on my side, I prayed for youth to end.

With youth on my side, I prayed to God.