They both possess the tremendous [and sometimes evil] power to change your life: One for the better, the other for a whole lot worse.
For hair mavens such as myself, finding the right hairdresser is like finding the right guy. You want to rely on your instincts; you can always tell what the hairdresser is like from the moment you sit on her chair. The way she talks to you, the way she examines the shape of your face, the way she sifts through your hair and parts it this way and that.
So I don't understand why I went through with the haircut anyway. There were tell-tale signs right from the start. For one thing, she never asked me any questions about how I wanted it cut. She had a magazine ready, and as soon as I pointed out the hairstyle I wanted, a-snipping she went, no examination, no sifting, no "where do you usually part your hair?". And there I sat, submissive, cowed, while she scooped generous handfuls of my hair, snip snip snip. At one point, I started to resist. But she very quietly pushed me back into my chair, and carried on cutting away my life, my hair. See, I didn't think I could fight her off. She was very insistent and noiselessly rough. Of course it was when I got home safe and considerably far away from her evil, abusive clutches that I started entertaining thoughts of having her murdered. I mean, I was violated! She practically RAPED my hair!! No foreplay, no sweet nothings, just reckless clipping!
When I came into the beauty parlor, I had in my head visions of Drew-Barrymore-hair, Fever Pitch-style. After all, we had the same hair type, and so it would be so much easier for me to emulate her, sweeping bangs, waves, and all. What the witch [her name's JOSIE] gave me was 80s-inspired bangs. The type that reminds me of when I was 6 years old and my "dalaga" aunts would come visit us with their overpowering perfume, crimped hair, and bangs that looked like hats. The kind that makes you think of Madonna in Material Girl. Especially since I have frizzy hair. It's not all well and good, because this is just one of those trends that never made a comeback. And there's a reason why: it's horribly unflattering. I look like a freaking... maid. With outdated hair. I got out of the parlor with Helen Hunt's hairdo in her ancient sitcom Mad About You.
I am fuming, outraged, livid right now. But let me tell you something. Just like we never learn from past relationships with Asshole-Syndrome characters, we never learn from our mistakes with a terribly under-experienced hairdresser. You'll be reading about another horrible experience at yet another untried and untested beauty salon in six months, perhaps after i see yet another film that stars Drew Barrymore or Mandy Moore with that great, star-quality hair.
Oi, vei. Women.
"You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
-Lewis Carroll (1832 - 1898) British writer and mathematician.
7 comments:
lol.....too bad i cant see the pic though (or maybe thats a good thing) anyways, although i dont go to hairdressers, my stylist (The bengali across the street) did mess up my fabulous hair once, so i can fully empathize with your situation.
now, given the fact that i usually trim my hair semi-bald (military style) you would wonder exactly HOW somebody can mess that up, right??....thats what i thought as well, but as soon as i sat on that chair and he started clipping my hair heres what happened:
(machine buzzing)zzzzzzzzzzzzz BAM zzzzzzzz BAM! zzzzzzzzzz BADAMMM!!!
now....im sure we are all clear about the zzzzzzz part, but whats up with the BAMs??.... THAT was the sound of the machine cracking against my skull!
Everytime the idiot finished clipping a row of hair, he would cock that machine back and smack it on my head with the vengeance of imran khan avenging the death of his long lost twin brother in the grand finale of an indian movie.
anyways, after the 3rd or 4rth BAM i just decided to make things easier for the both of us, so i half turned on my chair, i snatched the machine out of his hand, and i switched it off and handed it back to the guy telling him this:
Me: lets not waste electricity. Here, hit me as much as you want, when you are finished, and your soul is satisfied, then you can turn it on and we can contiue with the haircut.
Stylist: im sorry, i didnt mean it bla bla bla.
and i dont remember the rest...
ps. been reading up on you for a minute now and i gotta say that the T virus (thats the zombifiying virus that turns people into...well, zombies, watch resident evil for a clearer perspective) is starting to work its way to your brain really fast, soon saudi will seem like the ideal place to be and you will be yet another one of the soulless the walk and revel in its malls, coffee shops and supermarkets, ahh, its a beautiful thing.
later
LOL!! The thing about Jeddah hair"dressers" is that they're all members of a cult that trains them to possess this evil power to lord over the helpless customers. The barber shop is the house of satan. As in the case of your barber, he tried to conceal his evil chants by hitting your head BAM BAM, so that's all you could hear. He was actually putting a spell on you. Bengali, Filibbini, man, they all the same. They all members of the same cult.
And you're right about the T-Virus. Already I have this dazed, faraway look in my eyes, and the Serafi mall is like a huge pot of gold that calls my name. LOL. In fact, I'm so infected by the virus that this haircut of mine is starting to look gorgeous. HAHAHAHA. You crack me up, man.
ok lang naman ah! hehe
ey, kiyag-kagtan ako sangkoto a "bangs that look like hats" mataan!:)
pekhasabotan aken seka sa ngkanan a oteg ka ka osto den na piyakaoteg-oteg anan a masosowa. ogaid na aya bo a maptharo ken reka na: "naino ka sii ko datar ta a miyamakatai-taid na da ba marata a bok! palaya ta on den mataid!" da den a ikhidiya on ka mataid ta den na mataid ta den! okies?:)
saken na si mommy i pephotol sa bok aken o di na so auntie aken a ari i mommy. aya a kiyapakaphotol aken sa parlor na ko miyakaisa a piyotolan ako iran na inosar iran na so gonting sa seda! aw, na ba ako da mbontal a seda! miyakaphotol ako saroman. na, antonaa i kabaya ka? khakalo ka sa bangs o bontal ka a seda?;)
XAM: That's because pinlantsa ko pa yan bago ko picture-an. Notice I didn't post it with my entire face. Hahaha.
DRUGGIE: Ostongkadn, drug. Tumo man a da kodn gunuki so kapakiputol akn ki Mommy ka skaniyan bu-i matao ron! Lagid akn badn o miya-ilay a kiyambuntal ka a seda!! Hahaha. Nayno, ka kakhalo ako imanto.
after reading your blog, takot na takot akong magpagupit. i haven't had a decent haircut in a looooong time. anyway, pagbalik ko manila for a vacation, enuh and debz dragged me to this new salon in katips para magmakeover daw kami. enuh has a haircut similar to yours, she looks a lot like cindy curleto!! :) si debs, para namang hot momma like the mom of stiffler (?) in american pie. me, well, mukhang natipos ang buhok ko. mukhang walis. as always. i was thinking about you before, during and after the haircut. especially AFTER the haircut. i was already forewarned!!! darn it!
XAM: Doesn't this sound a lot like a conversation with your best friend after a break-up with an asshole boyfriend? You know, the conversation where your best friend says, "I told you so!!!"? Haha. But don't worry. In the conversation, your friend always says in the end, "You're gonna get over it, and it'll all be over soon, just wait for it to grow out." Hehehe. Women talaga.
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