Memoirs

1. Are you currently mad at someone?
>> I am perpetually mad at someone. It's my nature to blame other people for my screw-ups. Lately, I've been raving mad at my friend, the Elusive One. Through no fault of his, might I add, I hate that he's been generally scarce. I want only undivided attention, a luxury I indulge in a little too much, especially when I can't afford it.

2. Which of your friends has the worst temper?
>> I have to say Micks. Who can forget the one time he picked a fight with a guy at a billiards hall for looking at my shirt? Granted, it was a white shirt I had on, but he was allegedly staring at the captivating buttons that adorned the top of said shirt, and we all know what a serious offence that is, staring at buttons.

3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone?
>> I was fifteen years old, and I threw a bottle of perfume at someone who dared to give me a fragrance seemingly made for nanogenarians. It was an expression of outrage for being stereotyped as such, and I never forgot how the bottle hit the floor and broke into a million, tiny pieces. The perfume stayed for a week. The stereotyping stayed on longer.

4. Does your face turn red when you're angry?
>> My face turns red only when I'm caught lying, or when I can feel the person I'm lying to seeing through the intricate web I've spun. When I'm angry, I turn deathly pale.

5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrilyor yell/scream?
>> I prefer to stay passive until hours later, when I've calmed down and have a hundred and one thoughts of how I should've reacted. Maybe a clever comeback that should've stunned my opponent to silence. Maybe a swift sweep of my hand before I snap my fingers and cock my head. I'm such a wimp.

6. Has anyone ever thrown you a suprise party?
>> The year I turned eighteen, my uncle, his wife, and his children snuck into my bedroom at midnight with a huge chocolate cake and a birthday card. With my eyes watering and my heart in my throat, I gazed intently at the eighteen candles while they sang the birthday song [not the 50 Cent version, mind you]. We don't celebrate birthdays, but the gesture touched me nonetheless, as it felt like a first birthday.

7. Are you easily excited?
>> You have no idea how easily. My private student cancelled two weeks worth of classes, leaving me with more time to lie in my bed, stare at the ceiling, and complain about how little time I have on my hands till I fall asleep. I chicken-danced my way out of the office.

8. What event is coming up that your most excited about?
>> Next week, I just might draw up enough courage to come face-to-face with my worst nightmare to date. I'm excited about the inevitable downhill motion from there on.

9. Which of your friends is most exciteable?
>> Maybe Suzan, with the sweet, child-like disposition. She remains untouched by our general air of cynicism.

10. If you won a million dollars what would be your first thought?
>> "NOW can I afford a country?" A million dollars would be perfect, but obviously unattainable, like all perfect things. My secret list of things to buy will remain a secret till the day I die.

11. If you could have anything right now what would it be?
>> Weight loss. Oi vei.

13. What was your latest dream?
>> Last night, I dreamt that one of my friends' son passed on. It was a sad, sad dream, and my friend was squirming with agony at the pain of losing her sweet, sweet 8-year-old. I can't for the life of me fathom what brought on that dream. In it, she clutched her belly and said, "Only a mother would understand."

15. Do you usually remember your dreams?
>> I have trouble remembering the last person I talked to, much less my last dream. So I keep a little notebook by my bed, for the mornings I wake up breathless from an intense dream, and I furiously scribble it all down.

"If I write it, I don't have to remember it. I write to forget." - John DuFresne

6 Easy Steps...

"Wisely and slow. They stumble that run fast." - William Shakespeare

Being a Muslim is most difficult when we are young. In fact, being religious in ANY faith is most difficult at this time. Temptations abound, and we are still so lost, insecure of ourselves, still searching for something concrete to hold on to. But discovering our religion and all the good things we can learn from it is one of the best things we can find when we are young.

I'm not saying that I'm a good Muslim. But I know that I'm better now than I used to be. I realize now that faith cannot be forced. The more we are forced to do something, the more we rebel against it. It's one of the things that we can only achieve in our own time by taking small steps, slowly and surely. A little like losing weight, or growing up.

"New Age Muslims" are a new breed, mainly because of the issues that we grapple with. We have any number of bad habits that are so hard to get rid of, habits that we know are wrong and destructive to us, not only as Muslims, but as human beings. Our elders reprimand us, chastise us, scold us, but all we can think of is: "Man, you wouldn't understand." We are carefree, we LOVE not caring. But what happens afterwards?

When the party's over, after the friends have gone and the music has died down, you are left to yourself feeling empty, and robbed of something... something you don't even know you had. And then you realize it is your faith that you've lost. There is nothing else to hold on to.

When I was going through the same phase, I was panic-stricken. I didn't know who else to turn to. My parents didn't need the stress, my sister had enough on her plate, my friends were just as lost, and my brothers were just starting their own phases. I had only myself, and my trips to the bookstore, eyes going over the titles of self-help books I was embarrassed to be found browsing. Where is "7 Effective Habits of Spiritually Successful Muslims"? "Chicken Soup for the Muslim Soul"? Nowhere.

We don't really need self-help books. We just need to stop for a bit and think. And maybe have a little checklist.

1. Learn what you can about your religion. Islam teaches beautiful values. Every act of worship has a healing touch. Read books. Read the Qur'an.

2. Make friends with Muslims your age, people who are going through the same things as you. They are great sounding-boards, and you can discuss every issue without fear of admonition.

3. Apply what you have learned. Try it on for size.

4. Worship. Prayer is an exhilirating experience.

5. Be generous to people less fortunate than yourself. Kindness is preached in Islam. It cleanses your big-spending, credit-card-maxxing, partying soul.

6. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Inquiry is always good.

Well, I think I've succeeded in sounding like an inarticulate Dr. Phil, so I hope I succeed in following my own advice. What a lot of us don't know is that there are degrees to being a Muslim. Like university, there are pre-requisites. We can't just jump on to the last level. We need to learn and earn.

Yay, self-help!

Salaam.