The Fabulous Englishman

I've just had one of the more excellent experiences reading in that book by Robert McCrum called The Fabulous Englishman. My fascination, as per usual, is with the way writers like him weave their words to create beautiful language, their keen and accurate observations. This book has been very real, down to the last paragraph. Sometimes, we like - and expect - things to be black and white, forgetting all the gray areas in between. And we always manage to look shocked in the end. At least I know I do.

The other nice thing about this book is what little I've learned about (former) Czechoslovakia and the Prague Spring (revolution). It also led me to read on Franz Kafka and get a grasp of communism, fascism, and activism, all gray areas to me. I am now basking in the exhilaration of enlightenment. Politics and socialism are two subjects I can't even bluff about.

Clearly, I'm not cut out to be a fighter, an activist, a believer if you will.

Things I fiercely believe in:

God
Fear
Luxury
Certain Death
Deception
Change

Does it embarrass me that my intellect is, after all, skin-deep? Yes. But more than that, it makes me sad. I feel empty inside. There must be something meaningful, something I would live for, something bigger than myself and my trivial flights of fancy that I'd be willing to fight for. There must be something in there, something for humanity, some compassion, or a speck of motivation so I don't waste my time, my youth on purely selfish interests, on fashion, scandal, drama, empty entertainment, self-pity, resentment.

I'd like very much to hear the music of Plastic People of the Universe. They sound very intelligent. "Hundred Per Cent" seems like a testament to that genius.

10 things I'm afraid of:
1. I am afraid of rejection.
2. I am afraid of old age.
3. I am afraid of motherhood.
4. I am afraid of commitment and responsibility.
5. I am afraid of physical pain.
6. I am afraid of bodies-of-water.
7. I am afraid of the past.
8. I am afraid of obscurity.
9. I am afraid of punishment.
10. I am afraid of monotony.

"So why are you afraid of me?"