Sunday, September 18, 2005

Of Cowardice And Imminent Doom

Well, there you have it. A Filipina works so hard she busts her non-existent balls and where does it land her? A spot at the American presidential kitchen as chef. Congratulations. My hardworking fellow countryman is your fellow countryman's chef, cook, maid, ho, and whatever else degrading work you can hide behind a euphemism. I'm sorry if I sound very cynical or negative about it, but if I hear anyone telling me to look at the bright side of it one more time, I will burn my eyebrows, so help me. President Gloria is doing all the looking-at-the-bright-side for all of us, at that UN meeting where the microphones picked up her blushing comments to the American Presidents praises. Isn't it sad that we're doomed to be kitchen-people for the rest of our lives just because we happened to be the little-brown-brothers of our Caucasian superiors? We need our very own Martin Luther King, Jr. if that's the case.

I can't believe this guy, I swear to God. Bitch, you gotta help me. He was YOUR BOYFRIEND, too!! Hahaha. Okay, here's the lowdown on the downlow. Ten years ago, I had this nauseating crush on one of my distant cousins. You know, the cousins you have that are 400 times removed you wonder if you're even related at all? He was very good-looking at the time. Understand that he was maybe 13 years old back then. He had a striking resemblance to Ahmed Ash-Sharif, this Arab popstar. Anyway. Fast forward to a hundred years later. He has now become this obnoxious, dumb-ass, Usher-looking muthafucka who slings soap-opera one-liners my way every now and again. The worst part is that he keeps calling me Coz. The thing is, he's ten years late. If he'd thrown his bullshit at me when I was as dumb as he is now, I would've swooned and sacrificed my youngest brother's blood to a makeshift altar of his image I would've made in my room. So. How do you stave off unwanted attention and disgusting amorous advances? I mean, if he looked anything like Andy Garcia in The Godfather III, I wouldn't mind him calling me Coz, you know?

If any of y'all have information about this guy, please notify me immediately. He is wanted for causing personal unrest. His full name is Ragheb Alama, and he can be identified easily because his songs contain nothing but Habibi and Bahebbak, words that are potentially terrorrist-ic.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ya bent, esh mushkila? Fen hada walad...Cum hada heheheh I think I just said how much is that.. cum..bwahahaha And to think I was pulling it off..sigh. Seriously, who is this boy you're talking about, I am without a doubt very much intrigued, you know how we love any guy who sings "habibie, and ya ani tsk tsk, tounge out and then ba-abuz..(remember Muneer?) Miss dat guy. Anyway you have to drop me a coupla more clues for his positive identification, so as to ascertain the gravity of his offense, this personal unrest he has caused upon you, and determine the penalty, if there be any aggravating or mitigating circumstance, for his benefit so as to lessen his sentence. But you have to keep in mind, that what you have disclosed is the whole truth and nothing but the truth, wo help me God? Ok, then it's settled. This is gonna cost you. (winks) By the way thanks for the moral boost, i needed that. I'm staying, cum hell or high water not unless they kick me out first..heheh

Baby Rockstar said...

Yeah, baby, keep them CUMming!!! Hahaha. You killed me there. I should've consulted with you first before I posted this entry, you being my personal lawyer and all. I'm glad to have someone read me my rights. So anyway, this Al-Hubbak Kabir guy is Lebnani as it turns out. He's 43 years old. That's all the information I gleaned. Unfortunately, I haven't found him anywhere near Tahliyyah Street. LOL. In any case, someone better read him his rights, coz anything he says can and will be used against him in the court of law, especially if he gives me that Ba'abuz gesture [yeah, I miss Muneer, hahaha].
But he's not the one I'm concerned about. It's POLICE, your erstwhile boyfriend, who's found me on Friendster. Seriously, I wanna sue him. Gotchammit.

BabyPink said...

hey-low!:)

rila o imanto ako sii pen maka-comment ka miyathay a da ako makapamatiya sa mga regular reads aken ka inatake ako peman a bethang! katawan ka den so pagarai ngka!

kiyagkagtan ako ki 'coz' na! kapkhapikira ko ron na miyanolo-solo a boda! hehehe:)

Baby Rockstar said...

Drags, don't worry about it. Katawan kadn a tunganaya ta sankanan a bethang. Hehe. It's even worse than you think, that "cousin" of mine. Knaba matag boda ka miyanolo solo dun a muklo. Giyaidn so "Ikaw pa rin ang nagpapatibok ng puso ko." Hahaha. Aya nda a katawi niyan-on na oba skanyan si John Lloyd Cruz na sakn si Bea Alonzo, na. Ahahaha. Miyada ta saya.