Will Say A Little Prayer

I'm all geared up for Hajj this year. Nadeemah's remark struck a chord.

"What are you doing now that's so bad, anyway?"

And she's right. It's not like we're sleeping around, or drinking [anymore]. But she doesn't know us, doesn't know half of it, like Dina and I were saying. It's all those little things -- flirting, smoking, music, the other worldly distractions that we all can't seem to let go of. So when we say "We're not that ready", we're not talking about promiscuity, or intoxication, or adultery. Just the basest forms of worldliness.

But then again, like Majed and I were discussing, if we're not ready now, when we're young and fully able, when will we be? More importantly, will we EVER be?

The biggest Hajj truism is:
"I'll go when I'm older and all the wiser [read: when all those worldly desires cease to matter]."

And the question is this:
"WHEN exactly are you OLDER?"

When we're 17, 27 is older. When you turn 27, you think, "Hell, I'm still young. 37 is older." Come 37, would you admit you're older? Of course not. 47 becomes the new old. You hit 47 and you say, 57 is DEFINITELY old. So on and so forth, till you reach the point of no-getting-younger, and the next ten years [or less, who knows], you're past Older and well within Dying. And you're no longer young nor fully able.

If not now, when?

There are a lot of things and people I will be praying for. Khadijah said I should prepare the list, have my cheat sheet ready, and go for it the whole time I spend in Arafat. Sounds like a plan. Off the top of my head:

1. Will pray for a stable financial status for myself and my family. [Surprisingly, money matters spring to mind. LOL.] Will pray for the ability to be thankful for what I have, for the ability to manage my finances in the smartest, and cleanest way possible. Must start paying my Zakah dues, and personal debts.

2. Will pray for the guidance that I and each of my siblings need. Will pray for religion and faith to enter our hearts, for the awareness of God, and for knowledge of ISLAM. Will pray for the success of each of my siblings, for love to dwell between us, and for all animosity to be removed.

3. Will pray for Mum and Pop, for their physical health and their spiritual well-being. Will pray for their peace of mind. Will pray for any resentment they have, between themselves and for their children, to be erased.

4. Will pray for a good future, for a stable sense of self, for insecurity to disappear from my system. Will pray for a good partner [INEVITABLE, I realize. Ha ha.]. Will pray for acceptance -- of myself FOR myself, and of others for myself. Will pray for respect and self-respect, for knowledge and travel.

5. Will pray for my extended family. For Daddy and his people, who have been good to me. Will pray for those who share a family name with me, for many good returns for them. Will pray for my maternal cousins and aunts, for them to be more forgiving, considerate, and ultimately, more blessed and successful for it.

6. Will pray for my friends. For Marj and her family, for their continued appreciation of my religion, their respect and love for me. Will pray for my new friends, who have opened new and wonderful doors for me. Will pray for their well-being and that of their families, and for the success of their affairs. Will pray for Mariam Guilbeaut, Lutfah, WadhHa, Inas, Sausan, Sara, Khadijah [and Mazen, too, I guess, our little inside joke], Mariam France, the Ghamdi sisters, Nadia, and Nadeema. For Khala Zahrah especially. For Dina, Ihsan, Shariah, and Najlah, the ones closest to me, my soul sisters. Will pray for Da Boys -- Yahya, Micks, Yamani, Khalid, Rommel, and Ibn, and the rest of my MSA people. For Dudut, my cousin slash brother slash friend slash absentee family member. Will pray for Majed, who has taught me a lot about the country I grew up in and thought I knew, and the religion I was brought up in and thought I'd mastered. Will pray for emptiness to be wiped out. For Diane, my blog buddy. For all their kindness and thoughtfulness to be returned to them in blessings ten-fold.

7. Will pray for my students who have been nothing but wonderful. They brought out the worst in me, but ultimately, the best as well.

8. Will pray for time management skills, the ability to do my best in everything I do, and for the awareness that anything worth doing is worth doing well.

9. Will pray for compassion, good judgement, moderation, and consistency in all my affairs. [erm.. weight loss figures here, I guess. Ha ha.]

10. Will pray for my childhood friends, for Nhuraphy who passed away, and for the family and friends that love her. For the Busaw Family. For Jehanifah, the B-side to all my stories. For Jiehan.

11. Will pray for all the friends of the family.

12. Will thank God for all the blessings I overlooked.

13. Will pray for prayer. For the light of the Qur'an. For knowledge. For Islam. For peace.

Will say a little prayer for you.

Ameen.

Hajj Mabroor, everyone, and Eid Mubarak. See you in five.