I am undone.
Simple things make me smile. The kid in nothing but swimming shorts shaking off the pool water from his ear, hopping on one leg. The young man on the other side enjoying the morning air, walking with one hand in his pocket and the other holding a cup of coffee. The bare-chested guy jogging along the stretch of sand. I wonder what lives they lead. I wonder what they're thinking.
The beach is lovely. I imagine spending time there in the company of the people I love. My brothers. Zen would be fussing about food. Waleed would be barking out orders. Adnan would be contemplative and melancholy, nursing a cigarette. Pollock would be monkeying around. And I, I would be flitting here and there, longing to be alone with my pen and paper. My friends. Jiehan would be in her best beach-wear, gazing out into the sea, hand holding her wide-rimmed hat against her head, thinking about God-knows-what. Marj would be preparing to do something worthwhile, jetskiing maybe, or surfing. My sister. She would be laughing, happy, carefree, trying her best to make it all fun for us. My boys. Da Boys would be doing all the dirty work, spoiling me senseless. They'd be making jokes and fronting, poking fun at my "good breeding" [what am I, a dog?].
Until I get a chance to travel elsewhere, I will continue to compare everything I encounter to Manila. It's jarring, to be suddenly removed from a city where I can be as daring as I dared to be and put in a place where the mere glimpse of an uncovered neck or a smooth ankle attracts attention. Young people here grasp at every little chance to have a semblance of social interaction. Like myself. I hold on to the very thought of him. He is my former bustling social life, my brothers, cousins, friends, acquaintances, college buddies, neighbors, boys and girls, all rolled into one. He represents all that I am missing. It's funny, because I don't even know him. I made him.
1 comment:
miyakapiya-piya... made me smile.:)
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